In its most authentic form, assertiveness is confidently advocating for one’s rights (and goals) while making it safe for others to do the same.

The problem is that dependent upon the assumptions, beliefs and values of those beholding your assertiveness, you may be misunderstood. In this regard, “assertiveness is like tofu” – tossed into a pan with the beholder’s life experiences to take on their flavor. So, what can you possibly do?

The great philosopher G.I. Joe often says, “Knowing is half the battle!” The first step is to know your assertiveness may be misunderstood. An assertive woman may be considered to be…that word that begins with the second letter of the alphabet. An assertive African-American male may be perceived as high-strung or emotionally Napoleonic. An assertive senior citizen may be thought of as rigid. Heck, even adorable, little, assertive cats are seen as selfish and insensitive! Just know you may be misunderstood.

Secondly, consider how you ‘package’ your assertiveness. Think about how you’re presenting yourself and ask, “How would the most reasonable and honest person I know think about the way I’m behaving?” Once you truthfully answer yourself, you know what (if any) adjustments to make.

Lastly, care! Care about how others are experiencing your assertiveness and how you can help them navigate any “rough waters” they may be experiencing. If you can help them understand your good intentions, you can give a new flavor to your assertiveness – one they will develop an appetite for.