Did you find yourself trying to undo how you felt because you (like I) were told, “There are no stupid questions.”?
What’s interesting about questions, though, is how they are intended and perceived. The intention of the asker has a great deal to do with how those hearing the question perceive it. For example, during a team meeting Sarah makes a suggestion. Her peer Abe asks out loud, “Did you stay up all night to come up with that idea?”
If Abe’s intention is to honor Sarah’s creativity then that will be heard in his tone. How might she feel when Abe is complimenting her with his question? By the same token, if Abe’s motive is to discredit Sarah in exchange for some benefit to himself, that too will likely be evidenced in his tone.
How is she likely to feel? Consider how motive/intention impact the question in each of these scenarios.
In the first instance, Sarah will probably appreciate Abe’s support and perhaps even feel encouraged to come up with more awesome ideas. In the second instance, she’s likely to take exception to the point either blowing up or shutting down. In either case, Sarah’s (willingness to share) her creativity is impacted and the team’s productivity may suffer. And, we haven’t even talked about the social dynamics associated with this. People may take sides; engaging in the corporate version of Survivor – ‘voting people off the island’ so to speak.
Was the question itself ‘stupid’? No, the words were not. The point is that Abe’s silly, little off-track motives are what tainted the value of his question. Motives rooted in personal gain by way of ‘disadvantaging’ another’s self-esteem or reputation is simply a waste. Such intentional counter-productive behavior is simply (say it with me) stupid. Think of a colored sheet of plastic wrap. Whatever is wrapped in it appears to take on the color of the wrap. The same is true about motives and questions. The motive that wraps our questions affects whether they (as well as we) are perceived as stupid or profound.
Let’s make a pact that we will value relationship above personal gain by considering the (true) motive behind the questions we ask, where we ask them, and how we ask them.
So, ’til we meet again, “What’s your motive?”
